NSFW True Confessions of a Walt Disney World Lifeguard

Earlier this month, Reddit user chunt42 shared some of their most memorable experiences of working as a Lifeguard at the Walt Disney World Resort.

Warning: There are some Not Safe for Work (NSFW) words in their post. We advise that you read this away from your desk or young ones. If you are offended by curse words or don’t want to ruin the magic, turn back now. However, we encourage you to read on because the stories are quite hilarious!

 

“I worked for WDW from 1998-2001 in Recreation. Here are a few memories.”

0UAwDoj

 

“Seriously, you think we carved this resort out of a mountain? Nothing is real, *especially* the rocks. Also, you’ll slip.”

 

FCQfexg

 

“OK, good, if you see Nick Carter, tell him his manager is looking for him and he better get his ass back to his room right f**king now. You have my permission to use that language on him, that way he’ll know it’s me.” In truth, Nick and his sister Leslie were out on the water-mice in Seven Seas Lagoon, but I didn’t share that with him. Because Leslie was hot and she was very nice to me.”

 

26Z9FM5

 

“Every. Damn. Day. Parents, don’t let your kids go down the slide if they haven’t “tested the waters” at the bottom first.”

 

fEVr1AF

 

“Europeans, man. This happened quite frequently. They’d just disrobe right there at the pool to change into their suits.”

 

NkDqxSY

 

“And once you do that, I’ll give you a greaaaaaat big push. Hell yeah, you’ll go fast.”

 

GIK9kIy

 

“This happens all the time. You could tell when the kids were planning something, so, as a guard, you’d just wait exxxxtra long to send the next kid down so they didn’t hit each other. Or, I could radio to the bottom to make sure the last one made it, and the kids in line would get the hint that there would be no funny business on my watch. Because, seriously… if you sit up and STOP and the 200lb adult behind you slams into you doing 15mph, it’s going to f**king HURT. Well, I thought better of this woman and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Idiot. Blamed me, too, for sending the next person too soon. Luckily Reedy Creek got there quickly and moved her backstage out of guest contact (what with her swearing).”

 

PnC37t1

 

“Pixie-dust is reserved specifically for the Magic Kingdom, ma’am, sorry.”

 

YAR4t2f

 

“This couple was getting it ON in the lazy river. I mean, they looked like they were ten seconds from throwin’ their clothes off then and there. Other guests were staring at them, and staring at me to do something. I asked how they were doing and the dude lit me up. When I turned my head (to continue scanning my 20 for swimmers) he got even more irate that I broke eye contact. An off-duty guard came over and assumed my bench (to cover my area) so I could deal with the guy. Manager eventually came over and told me to go back to the tower (since it was mainly my presence that upset this prick).”

 

rN27Vk4

 

“We alllllll know what you’re doin’ up there, so I’ll give you a good ten seconds to dismount before I come up. Also, EW. Do you have ANY idea how many people have done it in there? You’re staying at a luxury resort, people, go get it on in your room, jeez.”

 

833PqRG

 

“”And I don’t care.” is what I would have said if I worked for anyone other than the Mouse. People would pull this shit multiple times a day. Great, so you’re the CEO of some company in Spokane that I’ve never heard of… do you realize how many other CEO’s and CFO’s and COO’s we got walkin’ around here?!? It’s Disney. You *are* a guest, but unless your celebrity status causes crowd issues, you’re treated the same as everrrrrrrrry other guest here.”

 

k4tPQq4

 

“Looks like a *lot* of people went skinny-dipping that night.”

 

UShmUzi

 

“We played volleyball around 3pm-ish. We didn’t find that ring until almost 9pm (using headlamps). But we found it. Guest was elated, and I got my overtime approved for covering that shift. Win win!”

 

5NS4LsS

 

“Stormalong Bay, while considered a water park, was at a resort. Typhoon Lagoon is a straight up water park, and … just, damn. I don’t know what it is with wave pools and parents, but they just seem to think “Disney = safe” and let their kids tread into waters far deeper than they can handle.”

 

0nR9Us2

 

“A lot of (wealthy) families will take their daughters (and their friends) to WDW for their Quinceañera. It usually becomes a shit show. But, if you knew how to play the game, you could get something out of it. I would routinely pick up shifts at the marina to drive the pontoon boat for a chartered “Illuminations” cruise into EPCOT. Afterwards, the guests would sometimes offer a tip. Official rules were that you had to refuse three times, and if they offered a fourth, then you could accept. Usually got me an extra $20 per cruise.”

 

mRoGE9b

 

“And he didn’t have to pay a thing. He went off fishing, and the manager filed the paperwork. It took $75k to repair the boat, only to have the same thing happen again a few years later. Breathless was decommissioned, and Breathless II was introduced a few years after that.”

 

BEypuqZ

 

“All the damn time. Even more so when I pick up shifts at Grand Floridian, which is where I met Nick and Leslie Carter.”

 

53KcOQQ

 

“Tell you what. If this makes 1000 shares I’ll name names in the comments. It includes a favorite A-list celeb.”

 

peGl0q8

 

“Now, again, this was between 1998 and 2001, so she would have been between 13 or 16, but Raven-Symoné was incredibly sweet. She played in the kiddie-sandbar, building sandcastles with little kids (maybe half of which recognized her), and she was genuinely nice to everyone.”

 

We are eagerly awaiting the names of those jerk A-lister celebrities. Make sure you help by sharing this post using the options below!

One thought on “NSFW True Confessions of a Walt Disney World Lifeguard

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *